Two 22 y/o gay models in love. One goofy, one off. Neither ever the same guy. Both always awash with heavenly bodies and handsome faces they can't see for themselves living in a world impossible for them to blend in. Find their misadventures here.
Brad and Chris were like soap opera stars. You could switch them out of a scene, put in new peeps to play the same characters, and for whatever reason, people are ok with that.
After a very intense twenty minute inspection with a record breaking 18 outcalls, Chris officially declared the beach a safe ‘no pants’ zone. You could definitely get service here.
It took Chris twenty minutes to piece together his boyfriend Brad’s knock knock joke. It clicked after their neighbor Luke pointed out Brad meant ‘glad’ not GLAAD.
Yes. Brad and Chris lived deep inside the heart of the gay bubble where the teeth were white and the butts were tight.
Brad always felt uncomfortable sucking on coconuts. Sure it was natural. At the same time it just wasn’t. Hawaii was the rainbow state…. Wasn’t it? This vacation with Brad’s equally gay boyfriend Chris just wasn’t landing as gay as expected.
The lesbian theory would surface that evening at dinner. Halfway through the great hula gurl vs girl debate, an unexpected twist of info arrived when the waiter presented Brad and Chris their pineapple upside down cake. It wasn’t necessarily the rings of pineapple that adorned the sweet cakes, but rather the placement of the cherry that hit a previously unheard note.
Against a backdrop of gay, the micro hetero move suddenly explained the sports bar menu at the pool of an all inclusive gay resort. Until that moment, Brad and Chris assumed some off balance queen with terrible taste might also be the owner of a lackluster sense of humor. Potato skins and chili cheese fries don’t cameo at a gay pool party without some sort of ironic theme.
Taking the last bite of his pineapple upside down cake Brad announced the two were truly on vacation! Since first walking into the resort, the caliber of conversation between the two never exceeded those had at the free happy hour that took place each day from 4:30-5pm in the unnamed lobby-adjacent space. This was the hallmark of brain and body decompression for the two. Brad and Chris’ holiday had arrived.
Despite the Dixie Cup ambiance, Brad and Chris each admitted they were itching to attend the mini gathering the next day. For one, Bob and Tim in room 204 will be mind blown when they find out the head chef at the resort was straight. Scandalous! Just scandalous!!
You see, Brad and Chris met Bob and Tim when each pair checked the other out while checking in the hotel at the same time. Over a cup of house Jungle Juice that evening, Bob told Chris the closure of the local Rally’s led the evening news back in Iowa. In the moment Chris didn’t know how to react as he could not tell if Bob was joking. Hailing from Los Angeles the only closure making headlines was as the 10 or the 405. Nobody even bothered reporting murders without A-List status, a major social movement behind them, or billions of dollars.
Chris didn’t even know what a Rally’s was. It sounded like it had something to do with sports and he wouldn’t touch that with a ten foot pole minus figure skating of course. That was its own thing. Swimming and diving qualified as soft core should any straights be wondering.
After a thirty minute conversation with Brad and Chat GPT, Chris remained on the fence. He finally concluded Bob was serious after his partner Tim independently disclosed he missed the fries from Rally’s while snacking on bar food at the pool about thirty minutes after the half hour happy hour was over.
Yes. It was a little bit sad, strangely beautiful, but mostly misunderstood. The 4:30-5pm time stamp earlier was also not a mistake. The resort really was that cheap. You can’t buy authenticity honey but you might be able to rent it out.
Always smooth as a baby and clean as a whistle, manning ‘Howdy’ duty for the West Hollywopd Chamber of Commerce each May was Brad’s rare brush with the bush.
To ensure his dominance and a score each day, European heart throb and first male Cover Girl Gustavio liked to say technically true but silly things like, he was ‘only into twinks when he was banging them.’
Oh. That Gustavio. You think he’s bad? You should meet his straight French cousin Gaston! He’s a real bell ringer.
I’m telling you people jealousy is nothing to sneeze at. This kinda stuff doesn’t happen bi-accident.
BTW - have you seen that one? No real accidents there as it’s scripted. Filled to the brim with bad acting. Bi-accident 2 tho… well, there’s a huge difference. We do mean HUGE.
Brad looooved volunteering as candy stripper at Cedars-Sinai!
Wait a second. Was his butt hot or chili?
Oh. Brad could tell this could get real sticky real fast like his boyfriend Chris’ homemade flapjacks. What Brad needed to do was to get a reading from him before his hand got stuck.
Click!
Well, it was a good thing the elevator was headed to the first floor. The ER would know how to unstuck him.
The red contraption was a gift but pretty little things like this always came with questionable obligation as an erotic dancer. This was especially true for all things pleather or ketchup red.
This was obviously a double doozy. Who does a person do in this situation? It was always a race to the finish with his big tippers. That never actually bothered Brad as a speedy coming to head meant a higher turnover.
Well, no matter who stood behind Chris or how much behind he got himself, one thing was for sure. The silky silver lining in this new t-back was about to give him a raging head start.
Brad snapped the selfie just in time.
Wow. That was a hot shot.
You know, if there ever was a big fat wiener here, it might just be his!
It was wild! The grass was yey high not an hour ago. What could have happened?
Brad and Chris’ exposure due lack of clothing was usually assumed to be unconsciously on purpose by most. Super attractive people did this sort of thing, at least according to the masses. Outside of sleeping, Brad and Chris in reality were always conscious of their generous exposure because they never bothered to cover up.
At 19 am the two were wide awake and the cutting and removal of the grass was clearly not their doing. Jose tended to Brad and Chris’ garden on Tuesdays, and it was… well, not that day of the week.
It was at that moment Brad’s smart phone went off in the distance. Not a moment after, their neighbor Luke appeared with Brad’s phone in hand. Luke informed the two he got a new pair of specs from the Binoculars Club of The Month Club in the mail. Apparently, he cut the grass as a favor for himself. It was the only time Luke was happy to see the mailman come early.
Luke pointed out that the mailman dropped packages off at Brad and Chris’s just before his ruining any chance of coming over fully loaded. The two were always rocking their morning workout on the front porch in thongs and Luke felt like he was left hanging.
To help rectify the situation, Luke thought it may be a fun idea if Brad and Chris could make their t-backs reversible. It might drop a hint for the mailman to switch up his route. Their neighbor then invited Brad and Chris’s thoughts.
It wasn’t the worst idea and not exactly the best. Brad and Chris tentatively agreed to give it a go once Brad had his phone back. It was weird how it jumped from the front porch into Luke’s hands all by itself. How they missed Luke machete his way through the side lawn, no one could fully understand either.
After a bit of back and forth Brad, had his phone and questions outnumber answers. Chris wondered if there was ever really a question to begin with. Brad couldn’t figure out how Luke got his phone to ring, and Luke forgot why he came over.
Well despite all the mystery that morning, one thing was always certain. Whenever things were off for Brad and Chris, like a bad neighbor, perv Luke was there.
He didn’t feel real real. While there, Brad didn’t know how to feel real real in the first place. Did anyone know?
In the spirit of keeping it real Brad’s boyfriend Chris answered with a stark “No.” Chris then went on to explain not a single soul had a clue as to why we were all on this tiny planet hurtling through interstellar space at ungodly speeds.
After three seconds of pouted silence, Brad demanded to know once again if he was not pretty but AI pretty.
Chris said Brad was ‘as plastic as they come’ not after pointing out plastic was as real as anything else. “You want to get real real Brad? Just look at our oceans. Even sea salt was loaded with microplastics now. Nothing out of the ocean was safe. It was pink Himalayan or bust.”
Before Chris could go any further, Brad announced that he decided he’d ask their friend Becky when she got back from the taco stand. She was straight so could hypothetically give a straight answer. It wasn’t ideal but his boyfriend’s roundabout just wasn’t cutting it.
Brad then paused to look around. “Where was Becky anyway?
Chris replied, “Really Brad? Really?!?”
That’s when Becky sauntered up from behind Chris with a basket of fresh steamy tacos. She asked the boys for the last time if they were really down for eating all this given they were both out.
It was quite a spread and the meat had the same consistency as cottage cheese but it wasn’t Taco Bell nor its knock off Taco Bueno. It was some local man from Pennsylvania who made them. His name was Hanz Bergenstein. That stuck out to Becky for some reason.
Brand and Chris were very quick to respond. They were not up or down with the taco scene. Becky thought this might be the case.
Pulling her sunglasses down to the tip of her nose so she could make eye contact with Brad and Chris, Becky mentioned it was a good thing it was a Saturday. There was no way they’d be sitting next to a group of stuntmen from the Monster Truck Show tomorrow. It was one night only and always on a Sunday, Sunday, Sunday.
No one knew why the day of the show needed to be repeated three times when it actually occurred in the evening but that’s what presented itself. The Monster Truck Show never started before 5-5:30pm so the organizers wouldn’t be inclined to extend the truck rally and inadvertently cause a mass suffocation in an unsuspecting domed stadium.
As it was, everyone would get light headed just one hour in. The show of course was without a story line and absolutely terrible, but the fumes more than made up for it. Mix in the local beer, busty girls as well as some good ol’ fashioned Red Bull, and let’s be honest. It really didn’t matter what was going on. That’s a good time despite any controversy!
To that, Becky asked Brad and Chris if 5pm was technically still daytime. Brad pointed out it was a slightly delicate yes and no situation that included the whole daylight savings mess. That seemed like a lot to him for a casual day at the pool.
Chris agreed and then threw in a memo stating that spring forward/fall back thing just needed to die already. Becky said it was one of many horrifying things that would die naturally with the Boomers as they finally made their way out to which Brad and Chris replied a nearly automated “Here. Here.”
With that, the controversy tabled itself for another time. Becky then announced she needed to take advantage of the situation so she could get the stuntmen to take advantage of her. Flipping her hair in a tizzy Becky then spun a perfect 180 to showcase her taco basket to the heterosexuals. The three men let out a faint gasp.
Becky was real real real and felt real real real too. Before fully launching herself gaily forward into the world of straights, she paused to give Brad an answer to a question he had yet to ask of her.
“Brad, you’re not AI pretty. You’re REAL pretty! P.S. you’re REAL pretty too Chris.”
Awe! Becky was the real real deal!!!
And just like that, Becky was off like like her swimsuit in 45 minutes. It would take Brad and Chris a good ten to get theirs off mostly because both felt slightly bloated from smelling the tacos. It took four of those minutes just to realize the taco stand was only ten feet away. Madonna saved the world in that amount of time.
Obviously, tacos were evil.
What Brad and Chris needed was a tall cool glass or two of cucumber water. To Brad and Chris’ delight they gulped down three that day. Why don’t we say it was a vurrrry hot afternoon to every degree and leave it at that.
